Trump, Turtles and Tiaras

A very serious interview with the contestants of Miss Hendrix

The Profile: If you could give Trump a makeover, what look would you give him and why?

Melicka McCavity: First off, if Cheeto Man is comfortable with his current look, I can’t complain. But, as a bit of a busted queen myself, I do have some tips. Drag is a very exaggerated form of make-up and everything, but seeing as Mr. DJT is not our first drag president, I need him to tone down on the bronzer. Also, he needs some better wig glue to keep those edges in check. And finally, I’d suggest that he eats some big, healthy meals to help fill out those notoriously loose suits he wears.

Princess JizzMine: I would give him the look and attitude of an authoritarian Middle-Eastern sultan. On second thought, he’s already so good at that. Perhaps I may let him be.

Dae-anus Targaryen: Trump would look best with a bit more of a tan.  I know a couple dragons who would relish the opportunity to give his skin that lovely orange glow he has been searching for…

Mr. Love Your Girl: I don’t know anything about makeovers, but I do think my barber could give him a fresh cut.

The Profile: If you had a giant turtle, what would you name it and where would you ride it?

Melicka McCavity: Why it gotta be “giant?” Regardless, I would name my turtle “Gordito.” And like me, Gordito would not be expected to walk long distances, especially with me on its back. Could you imagine? Poor baby. So, Gordito and I will be ridin’ in style to our favorite destinations, such as Djibouti and Uranus.

Princess JizzMine: My turtle’s name would be “Sea-Rat,” and I would ride him to see a Whole New World (contingent upon visa approval in United States).

Mr. Love Your Girl: Well, it would really just depend on if my girl likes the turtle or not. I’ll let her name it and ride it to her house.

The Profile: If you are the next Miss/Mr. Hendrix, in what size storage unit will your tiara/crown be stored in 10 years?

Melicka McCavity: I think it’s funny that you all think I’m going to take that crown off my head long enough to put it into storage. Also, since there’s no cash prize, I doubt I’ll be able to afford a storage unit for the headpiece. So, I guess I’ll just have to wear it around everywhere, and you all will just have to keep gagging on my deliciousness.

Princess JizzMine: That is a horrible question. If? Why is this peasant from The Profile asking me questions? What is The Profile? Obviously, the crown will get its own palace.

Mr. Love Your Girl: I mean, I don’t think I’d put in a storage unit. I would let the two most important women in my life, my mom and my girl, put it on display.

The Profile: If you could have a mixed drink named after you, what would be in it, and why?

Paris the Heiress: There’s already like multiple mixed drinks named after me in many clubs all over the world. But if I got to create my very own that was truly inspired by me, it would have vodka and vitamins because that’s, like, the only things I let inside my body.

Cherry Magnums: It’s like a Shirley Temple, except ironically, you don’t add a cherry.  What you add instead is Everclear, and you keep adding it until the drink is no longer pink.

Photo Credit Leah Hadley

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